i saw a cute boy today while i was getting bruincafe. I'm sure we all had those moments when our hearts skipped when your eyes meet, and you quickly glance away, hoping that he didn't see you trying to catch a better glimpse of him. LOL i hate to admit it, but yes, he was pretty cute. HAHAHA

but that's not the reason for this post. This short encounter reminded me of how crushes start. I want my heart to flutter as i open up the bible to read God's love letter to me. I dont have to worry about him catching my eye because I know he loves me for who i am and I have NOTHING to hide. I don't have to worry about how i look, or what i say, or what my first impression comes off as. Instead, i just have to embrace him and accept his love with the return of my heart. Just as my heart skipped for that boy today, I want my heart to to seek God every second of my day, and not to fill my minds with worldy thoughts, but to fill it with prayers and God's blessings.

Dang, i really want to go back to how it all started, how i came to God and was filled with peace and love for the Lord who poured his love and grace over me. I want to love going to the word and feel the peace and joy overwhelming my heart all over again.

It's time to forget about the logistics of this life and focus on the important things...

College is, as Janice would say, "awkward nations." SERIOUSLYY.
Maybe it's because we never mastered the art of holding a natural conversation... or it can be because we just don't know how to approach people. But i think it's mainly because we try to find a similarity with people, and sometimes when we can't think of anything, we find RANDOM correlations.

I was walking to class and heard this today...
"Hi! nice to meet you. What phone do you have? (person takes out phone from pocket) OH... ohhh.. i thought we would have the same phone... okay bye!"

If UCLA had a class about the art of awkwardness and a way to overcome it, it would be filled in a couple seconds.

People's acceptance weighs a lot more to our self-confidence than we want to admit. I've realized that when I feel close and friendly with people, I feel more at ease with myself. But when I feel as an outcast, I try to keep to myself as much as possible and not make a fool of myself.

Words are powerful. From the servantteam leadership training, one thing i remember is that we know what our gifts and talents are from 1) our inner passion and interest and 2) peer's confirmation. People's response to the things we enjoy can either make or break us. But in the same way, criticism and side comments that are meant for jokes can be a confirmation to our insecurities. I know i'm pretty much stating the obvious, but i think a lot of the time we forget to be careful with our words. I seriously need to work on this and use myself to encourage and uplift others rather than dragging them down with me.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

Clouds

"Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the could settled, they encamped. At the Lord's command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp." Numbers 9:17-18

I wish it was this easy for me to clearly see what God wants me to do. Especially coming back from missions, there's a lot of unanswered questions that I still have in mind. Now that I have to start worrying about those things again, i remembered how annoying it is to deal with questions where both answers seem right. Now that i think about it, the questions are ridiculous and it's amazing how i can convince my mind to think that my problems are a much bigger deal that they really are. Questions such as praise team or missions for servant team, macbook or no macbook, cleaning the house or hanging out with friends.... really, i know, IRRELEVANT and definitely not anything life-changing. But because i know that any decision has a butterfly effect into the future, I have come to blow up every decision i have to make in my head. That's why, I wish I had a cloud over me and God telling me "yes" or "no" to whatever.

But i know this is only wishful thinking. Reading chapter 9 this morning, I've realized that it's time to make a decision based on faith and not think about every little detail in my head. No matter how many times God faithfully shows me that I have nothing to worry about, I still stumble and worry about it as if it was my own decision. But this time, I'm going to pray first, and then just decide.

"the joy of the Lord is my strength"

i never completed thought about what that meant. But someone typed that in my email and it got me thinking.... that my strength is the joy of the Lord. My strength in all that i do, my talents, my skills, everything, is to please God. how come i never thought it that way? Hmm.. im not making any sense... but this is just the way my mind works.

So through my strengths (or through everything i work at) I bring joy to the Lord. pretty amazing to think of it this way... it makes me motivated to do my absolute best. YAY for the joy of the Lord! AHAHHA

KOGI

I slept at 4. I woke up at 8:30. I went to work at 9. I had class at 11. Then another one at 1. FUN STUFF. but yeah. obviously, with me and my big stomach, i was hungry. So i was looking forward to the DELICIOUS dorm food, trying to decide between rendezvous or bruin cafe because all the other places would be closed. But, i didn't really feel like either so i just went to Ackerman to get some candy to keep me up for tonight. I usually don't go to bruinwalk and i haven't walked down that walkway since 3rd week in 1st quarter. But because of the candy, i went down that way. and then WHAT DO I HEAR? I hear Sarah Chong and Crystal and i was thinking," what are they doing there?? they look like they're serving food.." So i walked down there and HOW COULD I FORGET that KCM was having a KOGI fundraiser. The first thing that came into my mind was ... "OH CRAP. i dont have my wallet...... just my luck" But then Ashley was so generous in buying me lunch. I dont think Kogi ever tasted that good. YUMM.

this is a pretty pointless post, but i just wanted to share God's blessing in my life today. He reminded me he will take care of my needs, no matter how small.

blessing =)

I was walking on campus today, down the Jan steps (or Jans steps or whatever) and i remembered walking down the same steps two years ago. Back then, I was a junior and UCLA was the last school we stopped at for our summer college tour trip. I remember, getting off the bus and trying to soak in the whole atmosphere and beauty and savor every moment. I felt my heart racing and felt as if i belonged here. I saw a girl walk by, and the women's soccer team jog by, and i desperately wished i was them, a student at UCLA. But i just laughed and tucked that thought into the back of my head because i knew i would never have a chance to go to UCLA...

But God is good.

God blessed me with one of the greatest gifts i received... and he showed me that despite my grades and past, he can change me and my life. He gave me a chance to start over... renewed. but lately, i feel as if i'm throwing that gift down the drain - i haven't studied as hard as i promised - and just sulking about how hard it is or whatever. But i needed a time to walk around and look at God's amazing creations and be... thankful. Thankful for putting me in the perfect place at the perfect time. I'm truly blessed. And i'm not going to put this gift to waste.